allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
