it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
