And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
