I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
