Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
