I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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