Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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