So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
