Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
