my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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