I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
