She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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