i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
