It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
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I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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