i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
