Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
