mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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