When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
