so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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