just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
