I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
so much tequila, so little girl.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
