wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
