How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
