Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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