What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
