You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
