She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
