matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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