No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
