your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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