these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I feel like abortions should bother me more
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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