what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
