He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have already put on my inside pants.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
