cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
