Life is so much better after having sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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