Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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