i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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