Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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