hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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