I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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