Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize