I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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