In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
