The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
