i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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