I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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