now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
