your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
