i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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