Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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