Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
