how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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