I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
