he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
