I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
