his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
