Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
