he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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