after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
