I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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