thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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