Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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